I Know...

I know beyond any doubt there is a God who cares, who is here, and is powerful.
My knowledge isn’t based on others accounts or even on the faith I have clung to my entire life. No, I KNOW this because HE has proven He is.

Last Thursday is a day I will never forget. I took my 15 yr old daughter, Marie, in for a checkup and to make a very long story short (and to not break confidence) we were told she might not have a uterus or cervix.

I reacted as any mother would. In front of Marie I put on my brave face and talked about the positive things this syndrome would offer: no cycles, no hormone fluxes, no stretch marks, the chance to be a surgeon without worrying about splitting her time between work and her children, etc.. I searched for any positive thing I could find. We prayed that God would create a miracle or if this was the road Marie was asked to travel, He would give her the strength and ability to live a full life despite the issues.

But in my private time, once Marie and Jeff were in bed, I bawled. I yelled at God and screamed at the unjustness. I was doubled over and broken. How could this happen? God why?

I felt my mind calm and heard “I’ve got this all under control.”

“But God,” I argued. “How? How did we not know? Why? While she was in my womb why wasn’t hers formed?”

“Andrea, I formed her in your womb. I know the why and the how. Will you let me show you? Do you trust me to be faithful?” It was like a bomb of peace hit me full force.

Did I trust Him to create a child with handicaps knowing full well the issues she would have? Did I trust him to hold her and direct her through the trials she would face? In our other trials He has been there with us and has protected her heart and mind, what would keep Him from doing the same in this extreme circumstance?

So I wiped my tears, caught my breath and went to bed. My mind was still reeling from everything, and I usually need to read to calm my mind before sleep will come.
At that time I was reading a pre-released book I was asked to review and blog about. Isn’t it God that the book would be Fearless by Max Lucado, a book chosen for me weeks ago?

I picked it up and opened to chapter 5. Each chapter begins with a scripture and this one was Luke 8:50 “Do not fear. Just believe and your daughter will be well.” (NCV) The tears flowed freely as I read the chapter and I was able to sleep well knowing that Christ was with us and cared. Goose bumps prickle my body when I remember this gift.

The next morning I went to Marie and showed her the chapter. "He does know what's going on," She said. WOW!

Over the next few days, life was far from normal. I fought to treat my little girl as I always have, but when I walked past a pregnant woman, I would break down crying. My dreams of watching my daughter grow big with my grandchild, might never be. I wanted to close her away in our home and pretend there was nothing wrong. Normal life day in and out does not allow us to pretend. When my thoughts would go to that dark place I would hear, “Marie will be well. Allow me to show you my faithfulness.”

Yesterday we had Marie’s ultrasound. To quote the ultrasound tech, “Everything is there.” She is well!

We are unsure if it is a Miracle or if her parts were there all along, either way I know God was with us to calm our hearts and minds. He was there showing us His faithfulness.

Through the coming trials that life brings, I can say that He is faithful and will be faithful. I know without a doubt He is here.

My heart aches for the girls who are suffering with the syndrome we thought Marie had. The families who will never hear those three words, "She is well." My heart aches for their mothers. Please know I am praying God will meet you where you are and give you grace and mercy, that He will pave the road for a bright and wonderful future.

No matter where you are, or what you face, please know that He is there. He can see and He loves you, no matter what. Through what ever your trial is, He is willing to give you His peace.

Blessings